What My Addiction To Medium Notifications Is Teaching Me

Is Medium like everything else or am I destined to fail in this too?

I write an article: Story, blog post, whatever it’s called!

I put all my experiences and knowledge into the thing, so I think it will be both relevant and entertaining to people who like to read texts on their screens.

I go so far as to think the article will have a great impact on the world. It will influence celebrities, billionaires, political leaders, artists, even sportsmen!

I then copy and paste the thing in google docs to check spellings and grammar. I make necessary corrections. I then choose an image.

‘Wow, what a nice choice of image,’ an impressed reader whispers inside my head.

I then select topics: or tags or whatever it’s called and hit Publish!

I then cross-post the thing in my blog: https://fradesh.com/

‘This will bring huge traffic to my blog and later I can sell books there,’ I think.

I then close the browser and shut the laptop lid and finally go and sit with my family.

But I can’t focus on the subject being discussed. I fidget and think about how that article may have performed.

‘There must be 100s of claps already,’ a voice says.

‘What if the bell icon is dry and colorless?’ a voice provides an argument. I get anxious.

After half-an-hour of restlessness, I open the Medium app I have kept on the homepage of my cell phone.

Nothing. Empty, colorless, dry bell. Like my life, I think.

I refresh the Medium homepage hoping something will miraculously appear in the bell thing.

Nothing. Empty, colorless, dry bell. Like my career, I think.

I then read things written by other people. Get bored. Close the app.

I then blame the new Medium CEO and move on.

Next day, after countless refreshing, and stats checking, I discover something:

My posts aren’t being read because this new Medium team has done something evil. They hate people like me. That’s why they don’t allow MPP in countries like mine. I think of racism.

Or:

My posts aren’t being read because I am too good for Medium!

But then I think again:

Maybe my posts aren’t being read because I haven’t published in any publications for a long time.

So, I write my thing for the day.

Same shit:

I put all my experiences and knowledge into the thing so I think it will not only be relevant to people who like to read texts on their screens but also entertaining. I go so far as to think the article will have a great impact on the world. It will influence celebrities, billionaires, political leaders, artists, even sportsmen!

I then copy and paste the thing in google docs to check spellings and grammar. I make necessary corrections. I then choose an image.

‘Wow, what a nice choice of image,’ an impressed reader whispers inside my head.

I then select topics: or tags or whatever it’s called and this time Add the thing to a publication and hit Publish!

I then cross-post the thing in my blog: https://fradesh.com/

‘This will bring huge traffic to my blog and later I can sell books there,’ I think.

I then close the browser and shut the laptop lid and go for a walk.

Although I think of all sorts of things during the walk, the outcome of the post lurks underneath. A part of me walks fast because it wants to go back home and enjoy explosion in the bell.

I come back home. Say I am back and turn the Wi-fi on.

I open the Medium app.

GREEN THING IN THE BELL!

FINALLY!

I get euphoric!

I press it, hoping to see so many activities that I need to scroll to see them all.

But I see only one. That too of someone highlighting a text of one of my stories of last year!

I get disappointed.

I refresh multiple times. I even go and check my email to see if there’s any note from the publication.

Nothing.

Next day:

The first thing I do after I wake up is check Medium.

The bell is colorful.

But it’s too early to be excited and think of ambitious things.

I press it.

The publication has accepted the thing but no one has reacted to it!

‘I should stop checking Medium in the mornings,’ I say to myself and begin my day.

I read Medium stories while at the toilet.

‘I should write like this,’ I say to myself after seeing the crowded lower region of a viral post.

This has been going on for a while now.

• It may be because people aren’t interested in reading what I write.
• It may be because people aren’t interested in reading what others write.
• It may be because people aren’t interested in reading at all.
• It may be because Medium itself is failing and getting irrelevant.
• It may be because of the new Medium team.
• It may be because of some of the reasons above.
• It may be because of all of the reasons above.
• It may be because of none of the reasons above.
• I am not made for writing.

But the point is, this Medium notification dryness is making me sick. It is making me think of unnecessary stuff like above. I didn’t use facebook, twitter, instagram, reddit, because I thought they were too addictive and unhealthy for my mind. Medium is the same!

This is not the case of sour grapes

Because an even more interesting point is: At times I have had highly active Medium notifications and that made me even more sick:

• All the world is reading my stuff.
• Barack Obama is on Medium and he will soon be reading my stuff.
• All my friends are reading my stuff.
• All my enemies are reading my stuff.
• I will earn $ xxxxxx yearly out of this stuff.
• I will sell books through the lead generated from this stuff.
• I will win a Nobel Prize out of this stuff.
• I am the best writer in the world.
• I am the best thinker in the world.

In between depressive and megalomaniac thoughts, I do have normal thoughts where the reasons I write here on this platform are simple:

• For my own mental exploration and experimentations
• For market: I think everything I express about my mind & publish here will be relevant to someone, somewhere, somewhen — somehow!

And I am okay most of the times if the bell is colorless because I would have derived enough from the first reason I write here. The first reason always does its task.

The second reason is what fucks me up and makes me addicted.

Market

Money. Society. People.

Competition. Success.

But I can’t survive without the second reason.

Yes, I can do something else and write for the first reason only.

But I worry I may not be professional, prolific, consistent and dedicated enough if I have a different source of income. Not that Medium pays me! But I think this is a great platform to push my writing career forward — if I focus on this and this only!

I have heard and even implemented the write for yourself school of thought. While it works for your mind, it doesn’t work for the market.

My addiction to Medium writing is my pleasure towards thinking and writing.

My addiction to Medium notifications is my desperation towards money making and success. And there’s no end to it. It’s not just about not having anything in the notification bell. It’s also about having enough there. Both are unhealthy but the previous one is lethally unhealthy!

This is crazy because I am still imagining someone reading this!