What Is There Beyond Inclination?
Why choose when you can ADD THEM UP!!!
As a child, I didn’t hate anything general. Yes, there were some foods, drinks, clothes or person, sports/team I disliked — but they were only particular hatred dependent on particular space and time. The general tendency was curiosity and fascination towards everything and there wasn’t a distinct ideological division inside my head. FOOTBALL-SUCKS (BECAUSE I WANT TO WATCH CRICKET!)
As a teenager, I began hating semi-generally. There were certain types of people, attitudes, behavior that I hated. For instance, being a punk (pop) follower, I looked down upon anyone who didn’t (couldn’t) go for that lifestyle. The things I liked were right and all else wrong. The general tendency of curiosity and fascination towards everything was replaced by the world view narrowed by judgment of right or wrong. There was a dim ideological division inside my head. BUREAUCRATS SUCK!
Post-teenage, after I grew out of the punkishness, I began hating generally. Now, there were class, races, nations that generated scornful feelings inside me. When I immersed myself in spiritual matters, I hated materialists; when I read Marxism, I hated capitalists; and when I read Mein Kampf, I hated everything. The things I prefered were based on what I was learning at the time. Right were those who the people I read thought were right and wrong those whom they called wrong. There had appeared a clear ideological division inside my head. Later, there appeared a constant: I hated the entire existence.
This way I see-sawed along various rights and wrongs. And here I am today.
As of now, I feel like a child again, for I am not hating anything in general. Yes, I do dislike things, but nothing in general. Why?
It is because, in the last few weeks, I have been fighting hard with myself to erase all ideological divisions within. What that means is, I have been trying to remove semi-general and general hate towards things. I forced myself into this enterprise because: my major focus on life is to learn and I realized that I was missing-out the true view of a lot of things due to these divisions. My emotional perception towards certain things was clouding my judgment towards them.
Having a feeling of hate towards football when I want to watch cricket has nothing to do with my opinion of football. It is only about what I want at that hour. A few hours later — tired of cricket — I am sure to like football again. Not wanting to wear a sport-shoe in a cotton pant is similar. These are matters of taste. BUT,
Looking down upon things that don’t fit my perception of right is pure STUPIDITY. There’s a lot to see, learn and even like in a bureaucrat. How can I see what Jazz music is about if I look down upon jazz all the time? How can I allow myself to trash things entirely if I am to try to learn the reality of things!
More deadly is the general division. It’s pure misery and IGNORANCE. Clearly there’s a division of perception in the world. Clearly, the right and wrong in a thing is determined by the perception you view that thing with. How will I ever learn the reality of economic systems if I allow myself to completely hate one? How can I allow myself to hate if I am to try to learn the reality of things! How will I live in this world if I hate it so much?
It feels like I have come full circle to becoming child-like once again. It has come with its advantages: there is less anger and anxiety. But there’s a bigger lesson:
Everything is both right and wrong: ME, YOU & that perfect ideology of ours! Punk Rock, Bureaucrats, Marxism, Capitalism, Existence: everything! They are all fun and stupid at the same time. They all make sense and talk nonsense. They all give something and take something. BUT, in ways, they all are the results of thousands of years of human attempts to locate the true. Which means: ADD THEM UP AND YOU MIGHT BE CLOSER TO THE TRUTH!
It’s warm to know this. It’s comforting to understand this. It’s a nice view from here of all this.
Maybe it isn’t childlike after all!
Maybe there’s wisdom in all this…